So the other day my husband didn’t answer his phone (he does this frequently as he hates answering the phone and hearing “Quem fala” or “Who am I talking to?” His normal response is “I don’t know you called me!” ). This is rather convenient for two reasons. Brazilians don’t leave messages and usually it’s work people calling, so if he doesn’t answer they don’t leave a message and they just keep calling other people till the issue is solved, or call him back (so if you need something from my husband call twice or leave a message, as he does return messages). Anyway, the point of this is Brazilians RARELY EVER leave messages. Super annoying habit that I hate, but I’m a phone slut as my husband says, “I’ll pick up for anyone, anytime, anywhere,” so this would never happen to me. Going out of the normal Brazilian way, the other day a Brazilian left a message….or two. And it was a BEAUTIFUL message. It was so beautiful, that we made our baba listen to it and type it up into a Word document so that I could post it on here for all of you to read… please excuse the language (English edited out, but Portuguese is as left), but this guy was kinda pissed (and I think drunk)
If you listen to the audio you’ll realize two things, this guy is not drunk, and he’s not angry ranting. He is very calmly going through all of these
totally crazy very rational reasons she should return.
MENSAGEM NA CAIXA POSTAL (audio part 1 and audio part 2)
1 PARTE: Ah minha nossa senhora, a bichona já mudou até a saudação da caixa postal da Sandra, esse cara tá brincando comigo..pô num eh possível isso , cs tao brincando comigo, cs tao brincando comigo… a hora que eu for aí pra reclamar a minha mulher..aí a coisa vai feder ta …entao fala pra essa bichona que fala inglês na caixa postal pra crescer um pouquinho ta, e num num.. e e e deixar de ser muleque ta… fala pro seu papí deixar de ser muleque ta…… e vamos parar por aqui ta, oh sandra se vc ainda tem algo por mim ta.. me respeita por favor ta e nao deixa esse muleque brincar comigo .. nao faça isso se ver o email que te mandei sandra,ver como vc ta linda de top less na piscina ta
Oh my gosh Sandra, some queer has changed your voicemail greeting. This guy is messing with me .. hell this is not possible. You two are messing with me. You two are messing with me. When I get there to reclaim my woman things are going to get ugly, so tell that quer that is peaking in English on your voicemail to grow and and stop being an dick. Tell your daddy to stop being a dick ok? Let’s stop here ok, Oh Sandra if you still have feelings for me …. respect me please and don’t let this dick mess with me. .. do not do this to me if you see the email I sent to you Sandra, you will see that you are beautiful, topless, in the swimming pool.
2 PARTE: Oh Sandra.. mas que porra é essa de msg que deixaram na tua ..saudação, antes era sandra, agora apareceu a voz de um cara falando em inglês, pelo amor de deus.. ave maria …onde a minha sandra foi amarrar o burro.. puta merda…. viu Sandra, aquela foto que te falei, eu tenho muita foto…nao fica preocupada ta bom.. que se fiz aquilo com alguem, foi so com vc e isso eu juro pela minha filha Clara.. pela minha família, quem você quiser, eu tenho muita foto com você e isso é uma coisa que eu vou levar pro túmulo.. so é minha e sua, que é sagrada ta…que vou guardar pra gente olhar quando for velhinho. eu espero, espero voltar com voce um dia, quero ser muito seu amigo…
Oh Sandra .. what kind of S** is this msg on your voicemail? Before it was you Sandra now there is a voice of a guy talking in English. For goodness sake,.. ave maria … where did my Sandra find this JackA** .. F*** …. Sandra, did you see the picture I told you about. I have lots of these pictures.. . don’t worry though, because if I did something with someone, it was only you and I swear by my daughter Clara .. and by my family…. and by whomever else you want me to swear by. I have a lot of pictures with you and that’s something I’ll take to the grave .. It is only mine and yours, which is sacred … I’ll keep it for us to look at when I’m an old man. I hope, I hope to be together with you someday. I really want to be your friend.